


intoxicate me now, with your lovin’ now

by melancholydreadfuldream



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Dark Doctor (Doctor Who), F/M, Fake Marriage, Implied/Referenced Torture, Obsessive Behavior, Possible Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:47:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25483435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melancholydreadfuldream/pseuds/melancholydreadfuldream
Summary: You hated the Doctor since you were kid. But how did it ended up with you married to John, the Doctor’s human version? When the truth is revealed, how will you and the Doctor cope?
Relationships: Eleventh Doctor/Reader, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Reader
Kudos: 20





	intoxicate me now, with your lovin’ now

**Fandom: Doctor Who**

**Pairing: 11th Doctor x Reader**

**Summary: You hated the Doctor since you were kid. But how did it ended up with you married to John, the Doctor’s human version? When the truth is revealed, how will you and the Doctor cope?**

**_Warning: ooc, angst, plot holes, dark!doctor, mention of child-abuse, mention of sex, obsessive_** **_behavior, mention of miscarriage, torture, death, etc. You have been warned._**

**_More warning: English is not my first language so beware of the headache you will receive upon reading this._ **

You stood by the window. It was raining heavily and thundering. Your hand absentmindedly play with the locket of your necklace as you stared outside. Your memories of that dreadful day returned. 

_Six years old you was screaming as you were ripped from your mother’s embrace. Your mother cried and begged for mercy but none was given. You started crying too as you saw someone slapped your mother harshly as a bunch of rough men hit and kicked on your father. You bit the wrist of the person who held you from your parents which enraged the person as he turned his anger on you as well. He grabbed you from your hair and slapped you good._

_You didn’t stop screaming as your parents were dragged away from you into a room and then after all the scream and yelling, six shots were heard from within the room and with that the screams stopped. You never saw your parents again. You were told they were executed by the people for their crime against the nation._

_They mentioned how grateful they are for the Doctor’s interference, for liberating the people from the likes of your evil parents. You remembered meeting the man called the Doctor. He was a funny man with big ears. He played with you for a bit when he noticed how lonely you were before when he came to your family mansion as esteemed guest. He was nice to you._

_But now you found out he was the reason you lost your parents. You felt betrayed. As days passed and things got worst for you, your hatred of the alien being called the Doctor nurtured even more, especially when you heard in passing how the people celebrate his name. You learnt the Doctor was already gone though in his blue box. He left after he made sure the downfall of your parents who he deemed not worthy to be placed in high authority for the people and left them in the mercy of very angry mobs, uncaring of the fate of you._

_You were suffering under the mercy of those people who have no pity for the daughter of the tyrant who had made their life miserable. You were beaten and made to work hard as a slave. You often cried and some of them would laughed at your tears, mocking your weakness. You wondered if they hate you so much, why didn’t they just kill you along with your parents?_

John watched you from the doorway. He coughed up a bit to catch your attention.

You shook the painful memories out of mind as you turned and gave him a small smile.

He wrapped an arm around your waist pulling you close to him. “Are you alright?”

“Just remembering some bad memories?”

He look concerned. “About him again?”

You nodded mutely.

He kissed your forehead. “Someday the Doctor will pay for what he did to you, (yn), I promise.” He said. “I hated seeing you in solemn mood like this.”

You forced a smile. “Sorry. I can’t help it. Thunderstorm always made me think of that night.”

“Don’t apologize for that.” He said. 

Your hand went to the locket on your necklace. You opened it and there was a damaged picture of your parents. “I was six years old when I last saw them…my parents. I don’t even remember what they look like anymore. This locket is the only thing I have left of them.” You said.

“I’m so sorry.” John said as he rubbed your back gently.

7777

John is your boyfriend. It was a recent thing. You worked together for two years now as the soldier for the church of Silence. You first met him when you were assigned to be his caretaker. You were told he was wounded in action and lost his memories. The church told him to take it easy and get some rest. 

You weren’t pleased to be a babysitter of some strange man but he eventually grew on you, especially since you found out you would have to work under his leadership. You never even heard of John before and yet the church acted as if he was some decorated warrior. You had no idea how he passed the test to be a soldier in the first place. John, at first, looked awkward with his leadership and everyone seemed to look down on him.

John, despite being a soldier, didn’t seem to like to use weapon all that much but he made up for it by being intelligence enough to warrant a position as a leader of some battalion. He led some very successful missions which earned him his team’s respect including yours. Still, he was reprimanded by Colonel Manton to try to get used to use weapon as sometime the enemies can’t be reasoned or tricked.

The first time he actually used a gun turned out to save your life. You were taken hostage. He plead them to let you go but there were no reasoning with them. You told him to leave you behind but he refused. That was the first time you saw something cold and calculating in him as usually he was full of mercy. You blinked as he shot dead your host and bit of his blood got onto your face.

John dropped his gun like a hot potato as the dark look on his face slowly vanished. He quickly checked you for injuries. "Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?“

You could only stared at him in disbelief as he looked so different just now. You wondered if that was the real John. 

Madam Kovarian and Colonel Manton look pleased with themselves as you and John gave your mission report to them face to face.

7777

John proposed to you when you both were taken hostage during a mission gone wrong. It was special mission, sanctioned by Madam Kovarian herself, something about a secret chamber in some alien ship with some complicated puzzle. John, predictably, excited to solve it at first until they were ambushed by some enemy faction. 

The enemy also wanted whatever behind the chamber and started trapping John’s men one by one under some deathly trap. If he chooses wrong, the person currently trapped will die a painful death. Unfortunately, John was unable to solve it in times.

Believing he need a better incentive, they trapped you into position. You had no idea how they know who you are to John but they did. John became frantic when your life is on the line. You tried to be brave but you were honestly scared especially when the saw within the trap started going near your forehead. Your face is full of tears and sweats. You didn’t want to die here. You haven’t even gotten a revenge on the Doctor yet. You refused to die here. 

"Calm down, John, It is okay, you can do it, I trust you.” You said softly to him.

John flinched as grabbed his own hair as he wrecked his brain to solve it.

It was a close call but he did solve it. You were so relieved when the trap freed you from its deadly clutch. You fell on John’s arms in relief as you hold on each other. It was then he blurted out the proposal.

You laughed hysterically at him but you must be out of your mind when you actually accepted.

“How touching…” The enemy leader mocked the both of you before raising his gun to shoot the both of you.

It was then Colonel Manton and his army stormed the chamber so you and John were ‘saved’ once again.

7777

It was creepy but Madam Kovarian actually congratulate you and John on your marriage. Her eyes twinkled suspiciously. “I hope the both of you have a happy marriage always and forever.” she said.

You told John she made you felt uncomfortable and he admitted the same. You felt like there is some running joke and you and John were out of loop.

Despite everything though, you and John have a happy and peaceful honeymoon. Madam Kovarian gave you and John some house in a military base. She said it was John’s reward for solving the puzzle on the chamber. You were told in passing that the chamber contain a valuable alien weapon that the church could harness for a better weapon for the army.

John looked torn when told of it. He still dislike weapon after all this time.

7777

John were called by Colonel Manton. Apparently the scientists of the church were unable to figure out the weapon. You were wondering why they kept calling John for it as if they believed him some alien expert.

John were also confused by his sudden of alien knowledge in the presence of Madam Kovarian and Colonel Manton. He felt uneasy every time as if he was losing himself.

John came home to you tired and weary. “I think we should left the army…” He whispered to you as he hugged you close.

You were confused with his words.

“They…forced me to figure out the weapon. At first, I couldn’t figure it out and when I did, I realized that weapon is too dangerous to be used so I pretend not to know…but they…they threaten to transfer you to another unit, to _that_ unit…”

Your eyes widened. The unit he mentioned was the headless monk. You unconsciously touched your neck. You didn’t want to lose your head, you are still attached to it after all. You couldn’t believe that they had threaten John with your life. But, despite the revelation that apparently they thought of you expandable (of course it was a given you were merely a foot soldier within the church after all unlike John), you still don’t want to leave the church as you believe they are the only one in position to destroy the Doctor. You heard they had a weapon against the Doctor but you never saw it.

“I hated that they think you are expandable. You are not.”

You smiled at him fondly. “Only to you…” you whispered gratefully. You pulled him down to you and kissed him.

He smiled toward the kiss. “Always…my sweet wife.” he whispered back to you.

7777

You thought it was weird when Madam Kovarian suddenly gave you too much attention. She showed a great interest in your marriage to John. She played it as if your union with John is sacred. It was then she brought up about your parents.

“I know what the Doctor did to you when you were a mere child." 

You frowned. You were aware the church know your background. It was the reason of your recruitment in the first place. The church is the reason why you weren’t still a street rat. They took you in, gave you education and training. You were grateful for the church.

Madam Kovarian informed you the church has started a move against the Doctor.

Your eyes widened in excitement as you wish to know more.

She smiled chillingly at you. "I think you have what it takes to join the special division I created against the Doctor. But John must not know of it. I can tell he is very protective of you and joining this division is a very dangerous task.”

You nodded in agreement. “I won’t tell him anything.”

“Good girl.”

7777

The special division mentioned by Kovarian has files on the Doctor. It was there you learned more about that enemy of yours. He is a Time Lord. He can regenerated and has so far eleventh faces. But apparently, the files only have pictures of the Doctor up to his tenth incarnation.

Your body trembled in fury as you recognized the ninth incarnation as the man who visited your parents that night. Your hands were shaking as you stared at the cold eyes of the Ninth Doctor picture. You found out the Doctor had made many enemies and had caused a lot of chaos wherever he go. He has companion to serve and aid him in his chaos-making. You glared at the list of the many names of his known companion. Some of them are still alive but some are either dead or lost in another dimension or some void. You found out about the blue box called Tardis, his time-travel ship.

You got home to John distracted. He was concerned for you but you refused to tell him anything, instead you pulled him close and made love to him in order to stop him from asking questions.

Afterwards, John gazed lovingly at you, caressing your hair gently as he whispered his love to you. You smiled as you cupped one of his cheeks.

7777

John went on a mission and has gone missing. You were frantic and demanded a rescue operation to save him. Colonel Manton told you that he was kidnapped by someone outside the mission.

It was then you found out something fishy. Madam Kovarian and Colonel Manton look concerned over John’s fate. They were worried the companion had got to him. 

Your eyes widened. “What could the Doctor and his companion want from John?”

They seemingly had forgotten that you were still in their presence. They mentioned Jack Harkness and you remembered the name was on the list of the Doctor’s companion.

Madam Kovarian and the colonel exchanged a grave look before turning to you.

“There is something you should know. It’s time.”

You felt like throwing up. 

They told you that John is the Doctor.

“But John is human with one heart. The Doctor had two hearts!” You yelled.

“We had a device that rewrite his entire biology, turning him into a human and trapping his time lord consciousness somewhere else.” The colonel replied. “We thought we could throw the companion off his scent by putting him in plain sight. Obviously, they figured it out though it does take him three years…”

Your entire core was shaken. You had given your body and heart to your very enemy unknowingly. “How could you let me married him? You know I hate the Doctor!!”

“…which put you in the best position to hurt him back. This is good, (yn).” Madam Kovarian said.

Now you realized the running joke that you were out of the loop of. 

“Did you plot everything to make John and I ended up together?”

From the sickening smile on her face, you realized that both you and John has been manipulated.

You felt sick as tears filled your eyes. You desperately tried to hold back your tears. “I love him.”

“And now you know the truth. Stop loving him.” Madam Kovarian said carelessly as if there is an off switch for emotion within people. “Or will you forgive the Doctor’s transgression to you?”

You didn’t reply instead you left.

7777

You were at the home you shared at John. You saw the pictures you took with him and you throw it all away on the floor in your confused rage. You made a mess of everything that reminded you of John which is pretty much everything. You took off your wedding ring and throw it to the fireplace, watching the ring burn within the fire as you cried your heart out.

You didn’t know how long you were laying on the floor as you were numb now.

It was then you received a phone call…from John.

“(yn)…”

“John…” You whispered weakly. “Where were you?”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, (yn).”

“Where are you, John?”

He told you to meet him in some place and to come alone. He said he need to come clean with you about something he recently discovered.

You swallowed painfully as you realized the companion must have told him his real identity. You agreed to meet him. You changed your clothes and picked up your gun and hid it on your person.

7777

When he saw you, John look relieved as he made his way to hug you. You reluctantly hugged him back. He was not alone. There were three other people with him, Jack, Amy and Rory. They were the Doctor’s companion. You recognized them from the pictures of companion on the Doctor File.

“John…” You whispered to him.

Jack confirmed that you did come alone so they believe you are not a threat.

_John was ambushed by Jack and when he came to, Jack, Amy and Rory were there. They told him something horrible that he is actually someone called the Doctor. His eyes widened in horror when they tell him that. He didn’t want to believe them because he didn’t remember being the Doctor. He is just a human._

_But they have picture of himself as the Doctor and they also showed him a distress video of the Doctor telling the companion and presumably himself as he realized he was about to be brainwashed by Kovarian. The overwhelming evidence is too much for him. His heart goes to you, his beloved wife, who has a grudge against the Doctor. His heart hurts at the thought maybe you knew that he is the Doctor and has played him along but when he remembered how much you hated the Doctor, he doubted that you would be willingly sleep with the man who is responsible for your parents’ demise much less married him._

_Jack had argued maybe you did it just so you could hurt him back. John couldn’t accept it and he wanted to see you again against their wishes._

_Amy had told him that he…the Doctor has a wife, River Song. But he had no idea who even she is. The only person he love is you. He can’t imagine marrying someone else._

_John insisted of meeting you and refused to go anywhere with them unless you are with him too._

John gazed at you with profound sorrow. “Oh, (yn), something terrible has happened. I…”

“I know. They just told me.” You whispered brokenly.

John’s eyes widened in panic and fear at your reaction.

“You shouldn’t have contacted me…” You said as tears filled your eyes.

John took a few step back from you when you raised a gun at him. He looked heartbroken.

Jack quickly pulled his gun toward you.

John made a move to shield you from Jack much to your surprise. “Don’t you dare…” He glared at Jack.

Jack look annoyed.

Amy was held back by Rory from approaching John. “Doctor!” she yelled at John.

Both you and John flinched at the name. You and him kept staring at each other eyes.

You slowly put down your gun with a broken expression. You can’t hurt him, not when he is still John. “Go. They are about to come for you.” You said.

Jack’s eyes widened as he made to grab John and pull him away from you.

John reluctantly left you but his eyes never left you as he was dragged away from you.

You broke eyes contact as you bend your knees to the ground, defeated.

7777

Madam Kovarian is displeased with you. “I’m so disappointed with you, (yn) (ln).”

You were forced on your knees on the floor, your hands were bound. There were tears on your cheeks. “He is John.” You whispered hoarsely.

“John is not real.”

“I know. But he is not yet the Doctor. I wanted to hurt him when he has become the Doctor.” You said.

Madam Kovarian look intrigued. She smiled evilly. 

7777

Madam Kovarian transferred you to the Demon Run base where you will be trained further.

The base got attacked by River Song who is trying to get to the orb containing the Doctor’s time lord consciousness.

You got in her way and she shot you but not fatally. She said John asked her not to hurt you. 

“So, you have decided to side with Madam Kovarian. Too bad. John really cares for you. He is still in love with you.” River said softly. “I am so jealous seeing the man with my husband’s face talk about another woman so lovingly.”

You cursed yourself when you faltered at the mention of John and the woman, the Doctor’s true wife, smiled predatory at you.

“Regardless his feeling for you, if you make a move against the Doctor, I will kill you.” River threatened you with a chilling smile. She grabbed the orbs and left, shooting dead everyone else that gets in her way out.

You watched her leave in hollow. You clutched your injured arm. You smiled bitterly. John will be gone soon and in his place, the Doctor… You could finally get your revenge. You didn’t know how to go about it but you are prepared to die to achieve your goal.

7777

The Doctor is torn. He still has lingering feeling for a certain (yn) (ln). He remembered everything he experienced as John and how much he loves you. 

The Doctor is angry at the church for using his human version for their own sake. He remembered every missions. He remembered that they made him kill. He remembered how pleased Madam Kovarian and the colonel were for making the human Doctor do everything the real Doctor is against with. The killing, the weapons…

He stood in front of the console. His eyes filled with rage as he wished to unleash the oncoming storm on the church.

The only thing stopping him is you. His hearts goes for you. He felt guilty remembering what you told John of your parents and of how the Doctor had left the child you to rot.

He also remembered killing men for your sake, to ensure your safety. He remembered how the colonel use you to threaten John. He is worried for your safety within the church. He feared the church would deemed you useless and kill you. His hearts ached at the thought of losing you.

The Doctor has no idea how to fix you. Can you even forgive him? All he wanted right now is to keep you by his side, to keep you safe and to cherish you. He had married you and he could feel the vow he uttered as John weighed heavily on his hearts and mind.

He watched River who was there on the Tardis with him currently, his wife, his true wife. She had saved him yet again. She brought his time lord consciousness back, freeing the Doctor from the clutch of the Silence. He owed her everything. And yet, here he is, hearts torn by another woman. How is that fair for her? He still loves River so so much but he also loves you too.

7777

“(yn).”

“Don’t you dare utter my name.” You glared at the Doctor as you pointed your gun at him.

You finally meet the Doctor in person. He has been secretly stalking you as you throw yourself into dangerous mission after mission for the church while waiting for your chance for revenge which Madam Kovarian had assured you that you will have it. You didn’t expect that the Doctor would come to you himself much less to save you from danger.

Instead of being grateful, you pulled a gun on him. But much to your frustration, the Doctor is able to disable you and your gun. He pinned you against the wall as he begged you to listen to him. You were so furious and refused to listen as you struggled against him.

“I hate you! I wish you just go and die already! I will never forgive you!” You screamed at him. You hated yourself for losing your cool, for being weak against the Doctor.

The Doctor recoiled from you. His expression looked hurt. He released you immediately and left after making sure you are no longer in danger.

7777

Madam Kovarian thought the Doctors’ obsession with you is an advantage. She wanted to set a trap for him through you. 

You agreed to it carelessly. “He will come if I am in danger.” You confirmed. The Doctor did somehow knew when you are in danger. You have no idea how. “Do it. If there is a slightest chance of killing him, take my life with him if you have to!”

7777

You have no idea that you were pregnant with John’s child. You lost the unborn baby after nearly died within the trap set for the Doctor. You woke up on the Tardis med-bay.

John, no, the Doctor looked upset with you, believing that you risked your life and his unborn child’s life in negligent. But when he saw your pale face upon finding out you have miscarriage, he realized you really had no idea. But he had to wonder if you know, would you even keep the baby?

You felt a grief of losing the baby but part of you is relieved, baby complicated matters, especially one that half-conceived by your enemy. 

For someone that has just suffered medical emergencies, you felt fine. The Doctor must have give you some wonderful drug. 

You demanded him to let you go, refusing to be under his care or owe a debt to him.

“Are you going to run back to the church? To Madam Kovarian?” He spatted angrily at you. “They don’t care about you. You are expandable to them.”

“So what? It isn’t your problem!”

“It _is_ my problem! **You are mine!** ” The Doctor roared.

You were shocked. You glared at him in disgust. “ **I am not yours!** ”

“Perhaps I should make you mine.” The Doctor said darkly. “…since it seemed you don’t care about your life.”

You froze under his gaze. Fear filled your heart at the thought being kept prisoner by the Doctor. “Don’t you dare.”

“You wanted to kill me? Then do better. Live better. If you continues being incautious toward your own life, I will be forced to ensure that you will not be a threat to yourself.”

“Why do you care whether I live or not?!”

“You know why…” The Doctor whispered brokenly.

You were speechless. Madam Kovarian is right. You seemed to have a pull with the Doctor. Can you even use this to your advantage? Can you ruin him?

“Do not think you can play mind games with me, (yn). Don’t ever, ever think you are capable of that.” He said suddenly with a dark look. “I care about you. I still loves you but if you try anything against me, you will lose and trust me, I always win.”

You recoiled from him with a flinch. “I hate you.”

“So you have said.”

“I will never stop hating you for what you did.”

“I know.”

“Stop trying to help me then.”

“I can’t.” He said desperately. “You were seared in my hearts. I can’t just let you go. I go where you go even though I know it was a trap.”

You hitched a breath at his confession. He knew it was a trap and he still come for you? How stupid can he be?

You didn’t realize he had gotten so close to you. He cupped your face and kissed you. You relented into the kiss before you snapped out of your stupor. You pushed him away and slapped him. You sobbed as you turned to left the med-bay. You have no idea where you are within his Tardis but anywhere is better than being in the same room as him.

You somehow ended up in some sort of storage room. You wished you could find your way out but you predictably got lost. You sat on the floor on the storage room, feeling unwell.

In your dizziness, you noticed an old crib inside the storage room and the sound of baby cooing from it. You frowned as you made your way to the crib. Of course, there is no baby in it. You chuckled, wondering if you have lost your mind too. You did let your enemy kissed you.

You walked out of the room and suddenly feeling like everything is spinning. Despite trying to walk slowly near the wall, you ended up losing your balance and blacked out.

You distinctly felt someone caught you before you hit the floor. It was him. He look so concerned for you.

7777

You woke up in a hospital. They had just finished with miscarriage procedure. You had no recollection how you ended up in the hospital as the last thing you remembered was running away from the Doctor after he kissed you.

You noticed something on the side table. It was a picture, a picture of your parents. You know it was from him, the Doctor, some twisted gift from him, you thought. Was it a taunt? Or was it a genuine gift for he knew that you have no clear picture of your deceased parents? You held the picture in your arms as you cried.

7777

You wanted revenge. That is still something that you wanted, right? You were torn. You can’t deny that you still have feeling for him. But you also recognized his truth that you have nothing, no advantage to win against him. 

You didn’t come back to the church. You felt like you need a break. You need to sort out your thoughts. You wondered if you could let go of your grudge against the Doctor. But, even if you do, you refused to stay in his presence. That man is still a source of your grief after all.

After the hospital allowed you to leave, you quickly used your vortex manipulator to leave so you can be on the run…from the Doctor and the church.

Later, you found out the Doctor had faked your death so the church won’t even be searching for you. 

7777

You tried to live a normal life. You tried to adjust to society again. You made sure to live in isolation as not to attract any attention.

The Doctor and John still plagued your mind from time to time. You love John, not the Doctor. You love John, not him, never him. You have to stop loving John because he is not real. John is not real.

Despite being careful to cover your track while hiding, the Doctor somehow found you again. 

You were furious with him for not leaving you alone, for keep making stupid puppy eyes toward you. “I hate you. Do you hear me? I don’t wish to see you ever again.”

“I know…but I just can’t stay away from you.” He said. “I don’t want to… (yn), I just want to keep you safe.”

“I don’t need or want your protection.” You said coldly. 

He looked miserable as he stared at you with those damn puppy eyes.

You growled as you pulled him close and kissed him hard. He was eager for you as he can’t stop touching you.

You were harsh with him and he takes it all willingly. You must have lost your mind for doing this. You hated the man in front of you and yet here you are using his body for sex and he allowed it. In fact he seemed to yearn for you. He was gentle with you in contrast of your harshness.

Once the deed is done, you felt disgusted at yourself as you recoiled from him. You dressed yourself as fast as you can before using your vortex manipulator to leave. It was a good thing you packed the essential in a bag for you need to run again.

The Doctor watched you leave without words. His eyes looked sad.

7777

Of course, you could never outrun the Doctor. You wondered if he has done something to you, if he has put a tracking chip on your body or if he did something to your vortex manipulator. How did he always able to find you no matter where you go?

After a while, your unexpected meeting with him which always started with arguments will often ended with hate sex at least on your part. Each time afterward, you will hated yourself more and despised him for making you weak. And then you will run. It will took him a while but he always find you. And the cycle is repeated.

7777

The Doctor has been acting unlike himself ever since meeting you. He was convinced that John’s love for you was strong that it still latched on the Doctors’ hearts and mind. 

He knew you hated him. He knew he should stay away from you. But somehow he always find his way to you. He knew you were using him for meaningless sex and he knew what he did to you, making you hated yourself more. But he was addicted to you as he was sure you felt the same of him. He knew he was not good for you and vice versa. And yet he can’t bring himself to stop yearning for you.

He felt bad for River on the account of his feeling for you. 

River shook her head sadly. She had investigated your background so she knew your reasoning for hating the Doctor. Knowing the Doctor well, River knew her husband would blame himself, would be riddled with guilt. And what a guilt he must have feel toward you. 

“Go to her then, Doctor. Do what you need to do. Ease your guilt. Love her if you must. Make her yours for however long you can have her. I will always be here for you." 

River has longer lifespan than most human due to her time lord genetic unlike you who are only human. She know the Doctor would only have a few years with you, maybe less, considering how toxic their relationship is. By the end of that, she know the Doctor would come back to her. She is not insecure of the Doctor’s feeling for her. She **is** his true wife after all.

"But, Doctor, you have to be careful with her. You can’t let your guard down around her. She can’t be trusted.” River warned him.

Having gotten his wife’s consent, the Doctor pursued any semblance of relationship with you.

7777

Madam Kovarian had found out that you are alive and that you have become a fuck-buddy of the Doctor.

You cringed at her insults.

The church has captured you and you were under their mercy.

“It seemed the Doctor still has soft spot for you. Good.” Madam Kovarian smiled chillingly at you. “But he really does gets under your skin, does he not? You have become pathetic under his influence. Where is that fierce hatred for the Doctor? What would your parents think of you if they see you now?”

You couldn’t reply. You were ashamed. Tears filled your eyes.

You were bound to some medical chair. Some weird headpiece were forced on you.

“Wipe her.” Madam Kovarian instructed her scientists. “Made sure you only left the hatred.”

Your eyes widened in confusion and fear.

“Don’t worry, dearie, I’m only doing you a favour, to get rid of that pesky feeling you felt for John and thus the Doctor. After all, you will only need your hatred for him.” She said in sickening sweetness. “After this, you can focused more on getting your sweet revenge against the Doctor. It would be easy to plot against him with some wriggle room since he has such fondness for you. He wouldn’t dream to hurt you which make you the best weapon against him.”

You didn’t know what to think of her plan. You did realized she really is doing you a favour by getting rid your unwanted feeling for the Doctor. But…do you still want to hurt him?

It is no longer matter as they started the wiping process and it was painful. You screamed and screamed and screamed for what felt like hours.

When the torture finally is over, you woke up no longer feeling anything but hatred for the being called the Doctor.

7777

The Doctor had found out that you were taken by the church. He knew coming to the location of where you are supposed to be would ended up being another trap. 

You smiled a chillingly sweet smile at the Doctor after you fired the shot at his stomach after he 'rescued’ you.

The Doctor stared at you in disbelief. He clutched his injury with one hand, face turning pale.

Madam Kovarian and her faithful colonel stood by your side with a pleased smile on her face.

“What have you done to her?” The Doctor asked Madam Kovarian.

“I fixed her. Got rid of that pesky feeling that has been holding her back from fulfilling her desire to kill you.” She said proudly.

You glanced at the Doctor with disdain at the reminder that you were married to him and had sleep with him.

While Madam Kovarian bragged about being able to trick the Doctor again, the base were suddenly under attacks. The smile slide off her face.

The Doctor chuckled. “You really don’t think that I came alone, do you?”

They could hear exchanged rapid fire shots from the distant.

“A-ah, that would be my River coming to the rescue.” He said with a grin. “She insisted to come with me.”

Madam Kovarian stared at him flatly. “You brought your wife to rescue your mistress?”

You glared at the woman for implying that you were the mistress.

“well, what can I say? She knew you would be here, Madam Kovarian, and she so loves to ruin your day.” The Doctor cheerfully said.

You frowned, noticing that he was no longer in pain from his injury. It was then you realized the Doctor is actually a hard hologram which meant he fakes the injury.

Madam Kovarian is quick to set escape with her minion upon realizing. But you remained there, staring at the Doctor hatefully.

The Doctor stared at you solemnly before the hologram blip out of existence, leaving you on your own in the middle of destruction of the base.

You started to make your way out but you couldn’t figure out the way to safety. You wondered if you will die here. 

Then you saw it the blue box. The Doctor standing just outside the Tardis, raising his hand to you, offering salvation.

“Come with me, (yn)!”

But you took one look at him and only uttered one word. “No.” You stubbornly refused to be saved by him. You would rather save yourself. And if you can’t, you would rather be dead rather than take his hands. 

You took a few step back away from him much to his displeasure and somewhat heartbroken look. He opened his mouth to say something but you turned and ran from him.

7777

You were able to escape. It was a close call but you did it. You were covered with dust from head to toes. Your hair is a mess and you were very dehydrated but you survived with a few injuries.

But, waiting for you is River Song. She glanced at you grimly.

“You shot him. Even if it was just a hologram, you shot him. He is weak for you and I know you will take advantage of that. I can’t let that happen.” She said as she raised her gun and shot you on the chest.

River knew the Doctor is willing to risk himself for you and next time he might not be lucky especially now that you no longer have feeling for the Doctor. She won’t let him risk his life, not for you.

You gasped in pain as you stared at her in disbelief.

“I did warned you that if you made a move against him, I will kill you.” She said with a shrug and a cold smile.

You fell on your knees, clutching your injuries.

River turned around to leave, knowing the deed is done. You are as good as dead. The Doctor will be safe…from you.

You laid on the ground amidst the ruin of the base as slowly the pain is gone and you welcomed the darkness.


End file.
